It's been almost a year since my life took a drastic turn. After spending a good 5 years with the same person, I suddenly found myself lost and alone in the world. The start was really tough like beef...heartaches, confusion, anxiety. It nearly drove me to the brim of depression. For the first time in life, I found myself having to break loose from my 1400 odd days of being-around-you-daily while struggling to create a brand new identity. I did not know who I was exactly after years of dependency. And when people asked me "What do I like to do most?", all I could used to think of was "You, because my life revolved around you." But now, it's all about me, myself and I.
Which is why I had decided for myself that: the day you went away forever became the first day of my life. And which is why (again) every 21st August marks a Brand New Year for me. So.. the question is, as the year draws to an end, how has it been thus far? Well, the day you departed was when I was about to embark on my final year in NUS. My final year meant the world to me. I was about to start on my research paper. I was about to start thinking about my career, our dream house and all. When it all fell apart, I was so afraid being alone. I had to be around people daily. Each time my surroundings fell into total silence, those toxic thoughts took over. Being Busy became one of the keys to healing.
I was blessed in a way that I did not have to constantly seek for activities to take my mind off you -
Year 4 semester 1 was hella hectic. For the first time in my university, I actually sat through a massive project (BIM) day in, day out. We slept in school, lived in school, showered in school for nearly 8-9 weeks including weekends. The process stretched from September to the mid of November. On the night of submission, I slept for 2 days straight before embarking on a one week challenge to finish up my revision for my examinations (Hehe). Shortly after my papers, I flew off to Dubai and Turkey for a healing trip with my family. It was quite a pity we didn't spend Xmas there..speaking of which, I can barely recall what I did last X'mas. Anyway moving on, I was so terrified of being empty after our healing journey. Surprisingly, I found myself caught up in the thesis nightmare. The reality was kicking in that January 2015 was arriving and I had not started on my paper. I was a lost sheep. And like what Z said, my prof was equally lost too (literally and figuratively).
Year 4 sem 2 was lagi miserably hectic. Honestly, I did not expect that my stay in NUS to be extended (literally and figuratively once again). My clique and I took a huge faith of leap and enrolled ourselves in the Concurrent Degree Programme whereby we read our MsC and BsC at the same time. At that point in time, I attended 3 BsC lectures in the days and 3 MsC lectures in the nights. MsC classes were lagi shagged (7 to 10pm). Doing projects with adults was...kinda of intimidating. In between lessons, I was janga-ing my thesis, projects and tuitions. So the story went like this: I spent the entire sem 10 to 10 (Mon to Fri) in school. It became my first home (I am sorry, Dad and mom). But Sem 2 was relatively bitter-sweet. And as I am typing this now, I find myself smiling from ear to ear. Those nights we spent in campus were pleasantly nice and serene. Those times suffering the same shit with some of the good pals in the library reminds me of tough times get going. Because good pals being good pals, we went all out for each other despite multiple workload on hand. Late night strolls and phone-calls, eating the same school food (Breakfast, lunch, dinner) never really did get old when you were with the nicest people in the world. I love how we watched sunsets together, how we laughed heartily together and I loved how they fell into silence before looking sincerely into my eyes before saying "You look so much healthier and happier now." (& I couldnt thank you guys more for standing by me through the darkest point of my life)
And.. going back to the point on school, by the end of Sem 2, I was as good as O_O (zombie) and thank God, it was one fruitful semester. *Pats on my shoulder for reading 8 modules in 4 months* Shortly after my examinations, I flew off for my second healing trip to Europe for a brief 2 weeks before embarking on my internship in June. I am currently into the 11th week of my internship @ JTC and it had thus far been a really fulfilling one. I am also currently into the 1st week of my official final semester (Hopefully). To summarize, I have been working and will be working from 830 to 6pm daily while studying 7 to 10pm daily until 28th August (ze the last day of my internship).
So...my year thus far? Enriching and still healing. With that...Happy advance New Year to myself and may the next year be a better one.
Which is why I had decided for myself that: the day you went away forever became the first day of my life. And which is why (again) every 21st August marks a Brand New Year for me. So.. the question is, as the year draws to an end, how has it been thus far? Well, the day you departed was when I was about to embark on my final year in NUS. My final year meant the world to me. I was about to start on my research paper. I was about to start thinking about my career, our dream house and all. When it all fell apart, I was so afraid being alone. I had to be around people daily. Each time my surroundings fell into total silence, those toxic thoughts took over. Being Busy became one of the keys to healing.
I was blessed in a way that I did not have to constantly seek for activities to take my mind off you -
Year 4 semester 1 was hella hectic. For the first time in my university, I actually sat through a massive project (BIM) day in, day out. We slept in school, lived in school, showered in school for nearly 8-9 weeks including weekends. The process stretched from September to the mid of November. On the night of submission, I slept for 2 days straight before embarking on a one week challenge to finish up my revision for my examinations (Hehe). Shortly after my papers, I flew off to Dubai and Turkey for a healing trip with my family. It was quite a pity we didn't spend Xmas there..speaking of which, I can barely recall what I did last X'mas. Anyway moving on, I was so terrified of being empty after our healing journey. Surprisingly, I found myself caught up in the thesis nightmare. The reality was kicking in that January 2015 was arriving and I had not started on my paper. I was a lost sheep. And like what Z said, my prof was equally lost too (literally and figuratively).
Year 4 sem 2 was lagi miserably hectic. Honestly, I did not expect that my stay in NUS to be extended (literally and figuratively once again). My clique and I took a huge faith of leap and enrolled ourselves in the Concurrent Degree Programme whereby we read our MsC and BsC at the same time. At that point in time, I attended 3 BsC lectures in the days and 3 MsC lectures in the nights. MsC classes were lagi shagged (7 to 10pm). Doing projects with adults was...kinda of intimidating. In between lessons, I was janga-ing my thesis, projects and tuitions. So the story went like this: I spent the entire sem 10 to 10 (Mon to Fri) in school. It became my first home (I am sorry, Dad and mom). But Sem 2 was relatively bitter-sweet. And as I am typing this now, I find myself smiling from ear to ear. Those nights we spent in campus were pleasantly nice and serene. Those times suffering the same shit with some of the good pals in the library reminds me of tough times get going. Because good pals being good pals, we went all out for each other despite multiple workload on hand. Late night strolls and phone-calls, eating the same school food (Breakfast, lunch, dinner) never really did get old when you were with the nicest people in the world. I love how we watched sunsets together, how we laughed heartily together and I loved how they fell into silence before looking sincerely into my eyes before saying "You look so much healthier and happier now." (& I couldnt thank you guys more for standing by me through the darkest point of my life)
And.. going back to the point on school, by the end of Sem 2, I was as good as O_O (zombie) and thank God, it was one fruitful semester. *Pats on my shoulder for reading 8 modules in 4 months* Shortly after my examinations, I flew off for my second healing trip to Europe for a brief 2 weeks before embarking on my internship in June. I am currently into the 11th week of my internship @ JTC and it had thus far been a really fulfilling one. I am also currently into the 1st week of my official final semester (Hopefully). To summarize, I have been working and will be working from 830 to 6pm daily while studying 7 to 10pm daily until 28th August (ze the last day of my internship).
So...my year thus far? Enriching and still healing. With that...Happy advance New Year to myself and may the next year be a better one.
